Dear Engaged Couples


weddingOne of the things I hear the most from engaged couples is that they do not pray together. This is crucial for a successful marriage. Remember that marriage is a covenant relationship. It takes three- bride, groom and God. No more than we can imagine a day going by without speaking to one another, just so with God.

Together go to Him who created you, thought you into existence, and brought you both together. Tell Him what’s on your minds, ask for His assistance in times of need, for yourselves, those whom you know…and don’t know. Ask Him to bless you both that you may seek to be the public witness of love this world so desperately needs.

Beg Him to teach you how to love each other rightly, in imitation of His limitless love for us. It is only through Him that we can love each other properly, unselfishly, purely. Be grateful, gracious and generous to each other.

If not your witness, then whose? If not your marriage to imitate, then where shall they look to see this love that never ends, never surrenders, or gives up on the other-no matter the circumstance?

Your witness is critical. They are watching, don’t think they aren’t.

Is it really possible to love another until death in this day and age? Is it conceivable to spend a lifetime in love with just him or her? What of the bad times, poor times, sick times — will you still remain?

Your witness of love lights the path and opens the possibilities for others to follow. For others to observe and imagine if maybe, just maybe your love points to something greater, to Someone greater- to a life beyond the now where perfect love dwells.

You see, there is much at stake in your success. Marriage points to something bigger than the two of you; it points to heaven. So spend your life giving yourself away every day, moment to moment, especially when it is hard. For real love is not a feeling. You can’t fall into it, and you can’t fall out of it. It is a choice every single day to seek what is best for the other in all times and places. Not a 50-50 kind of conditional love the world expects, but a 100/100% all the time, I’m not going anywhere kind of love.

In striving to give yourself away, you will discover yourself and the sweet aroma of selfless love. You receive, when you give your all, as impossible as that sounds.

Know that you are never alone in your efforts and that God wants more than anything for your marriage to thrive, for your family to grow, for your witness to be so authentic it draws others to His love.

Your goal is to get each other to heaven and then to do the same together for your children. If you don’t make this eternal destination your focus, what then? Strive to grow in holiness, patience, forgiveness. It won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. The rewards are incredible as your love discovers and rediscovers the depth of this other human soul, uniquely created and purposefully given for you.

May your love expand and abound. May you never be afraid of children. If you think your heart is already overflowing and couldn’t possibly encompass more, if you think your day is already too full, your bank account too empty and that children are something for the distant future; think again. Let your love increase and magnify and spread.

Children are the most wonderful, precious gift you can ever give to one another, and your heart will grow with each one without measure or limit. Trust that God has a plan for each and every child, and let worry and fear be laid at the cross where Christ can transform it.

Trust God, trust one another and let no one come between you or before the other. Protect your union from outsiders who may want to meddle or interject poison that takes on roots and causes disunity. Never speak unkindly about the other to family, friends or co-workers for it is there that the seed of distrust can be scattered. Never let friends drive a wedge or make you choose or keep secrets.

Write love letters and love notes. Surprise each other with random acts of love. And never forget to say I love you.

We are out here praying for you. Mother Mary is there to intercede as well as all of heaven. That is a whole lot of support and resource. Take advantage of it. You can do this, God is there to lift you up and to guarantee the promises you make. For what He has joined, must never be separated.


About Author

Blessed daughter, sister, wife and mother. Married to my darling husband Mark for 32 years, loved and challenged by our five young adult children. Working full time in the Diocese of Phoenix as a youth and marriage minister for over ten years. Writing for me is a means of sharing my observations of the Lord's work and Presence in everything from the smallest to the most obvious moments.