Up to that point, I had been suffering from a decades-long chronic condition and although I imagined health in my future, that morning I offered every cell in my body to the Lord. I just wanted to serve Him and His kingdom. If He wanted me to be healthy, so be it. If He had other plans, so be it.
From that point on, all hell broke loose.
The first Friday in January, I was on-air when I had an “episode” and was forced to hang up quite abruptly and was immediately taken to the emergency room by my husband. I’ve got to admit, there is nothing quite as humbling as having to hang up during an interview on a national radio show because the room is spinning and the floor seems to be at a 45 degree angle and you are crawling for help.
I suffered more physical problems over the next few months than I had in the previous years; I was subjected to countless medical tests and procedures. It wasn’t exactly what I envisioned 2012 would bring when I offered myself completely to God; but a few close friends helped me survive the year. They were the ones God put in my life to lower me, on my mat, through the roof so that I could get to Christ (see Mark 2:4).
The year is now coming to a close and I remember well that simple prayer I spoke on January 1st.
Am I where God wants to find me?
I believe I am.
I’ve learned a lot this past year and have tremendous gratitude (and maybe am a bit intimidated) that God would take my prayer so seriously—and allow me to be molded so intimately this year to His will so that He would find me exactly where He wanted me to be.
Last week I spoke to a group of Catechetical leaders and the topic was “Becoming a Saint One Day at a Time.” I was able to illustrate 7 different ways that God molds us in our everyday lives. Spending time with these leaders was very anointed and their gracious feedback gave me confirmation that I am, indeed, where God wants me to be.
Along the way this year, my company has published a number of books that I also recognize as gifts from God.
When I started Bezalel Books in 2007, I wanted to serve God through great Catholic fiction. I was a parochial middle school teacher (English and religion) and wanted to see a time where Catholic fiction books flooded the classrooms. It was dream to offer the sort of books that feed the soul while also entertaining and enlightening to kids and parents. I also wanted to give a platform to authors who may not have one otherwise and on January 1st of 2012, it was my sole desire to make sure that the works of Bezalel Books would continue to exist only if it was God’s holy will and purpose for my life.
To that end, I’m so honored to serve God through our 2012 titles. Most recently, and just in time for Christmas, is one of the most blessed books I feel we’ve ever published: He Shall Be Peace. Written by Jennifer Franks, this fiction book is based upon the visions of the venerable Catherine Anne Emmerich and is the sort of book that lifts the spirit of the reader to new heights.
God certainly has been good in answering my prayer to put me where He wants to find me this year—even if the route He has taken wasn’t quite the one I would have mapped out.
I’m not sure what I’ll offer before my feet touch the floor; but I am sure that whatever it is, God will be listening.
May your Advent be a blessed and holy one!