When you live a life where you try to stay as connected to your Creator as this broken world and your sinful ways allow, you change your perspective on the big picture and the details. He has control over all of it. He can guide your path, deal with the obstacles on the way and every pebble upon which you may trip. Living in faith is not something I do perfectly. Mother Teresa, she was pretty close. The Blessed Mother had it down.
Well, I try. I try to trust that God will guide my life down to the details. I understand that this doesn’t mean that the devil can’t tempt me or attack me. I understand that this definitely doesn’t mean that my life will be easy or free from trial. I understand that this doesn’t mean I won’t fail. However, it does mean that God’s plan is perfect, and if I submit to it, it will all be for the best in the end.
A couple weeks ago, I drove home in my dented van, following a parking lot mishap brought on by low blood sugar and I lost the eyes of faith. How to do it all? How can I continue the work of Making Music Praying Twice, a work we took on in faith, believing He called us to it when it requires so much more time, energy, and resources than we have? How can I really educate and care for my five children properly? How can I handle another high-risk pregnancy? How can I get some sleep? Where is this new baby going to sleep? Can I keep on top of the food allergies, learning disabilities and the character of these children? When are we going to fix this car? Will we ever paint the house? This went on for a few days.
Finally, I looked up. “I know many others have more challenging lives than I do. I know I’ve been blessed. But even so, I think you are overestimating me.”
Overestimating me. Of course I know God doesn’t make mistakes, but I complained anyway. I even joked with friends about it. But what I came to see, is that in being overwhelmed, in complaining, I was underestimating. I wasn’t underestimating me, but Him. Because He’s the one who makes it happen. If I’m doing this right, than He is providing for our needs, doing the ministry, working through me, His creation. My problem is that I’m not getting out of the way. Pope Francis made it clear that complaining is not compatible with a Christian life. So, I’ll put my head down and get to work and trust Him to do more than I ever could with my little life.