The Conscious Uncoupling of Love from Sacrifice


DivorceGwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, whom I do not know personally and don’t have any authority or desire to judge, having their own back-stories, needs, and wounds (just like me!), are “consciously uncoupling” from their marriage.

This phrase I feel I can objectively judge. ‘Cause it’s goofy.

Their advisors, Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami, are telling them lovely things like the following to anesthetize the event of a divorce lest it sound and feel like they are in fact divorcing:

“To change the concept of divorce, we need to release the belief structures we have around marriage that create rigidity in our thought process. The belief structure is the all-or-nothing idea that when we marry, it’s for life.”

Yes, God forbid we have rigidity in this life, something like a promise or vow for instance that would be our best word that we will stay, remain faithful, stick to the beloved like in that movie The Notebook. Seriously, rigidity is for things like concrete, not people! People mustn’t be rigid. They should be more like… Jello.

“The truth is,” the love doctors continued, “the only thing any of us have is today. Beyond that, there are no guarantees. The idea of being married to one person for life is too much pressure for anyone.”

Narrative Note: You are not reading the Onion. People with doctorates wrote that bit. 

So to be married to one person for life is “too much pressure”….. Can someone please tell Danny and Annie that they totally, and selfishly, wasted their lives on each other, when they could have wasted it on more people than just each other?

“A conscious uncoupling is the ability to understand that every irritation and argument was a signal to look inside ourselves… If we can remain conscious of this during our uncoupling, we will understand it’s how we relate to ourselves internally as we go through an experience that’s the real issue, not what’s actually happening.”

You mean actually happening with that other human person in the room who is your God-given guide and helper to unselfishness and love through self-forgetfulness? Ah yes, the quintessence of narcissism. “Wait, who are you? What are you doing in the story of my life? Have this person removed immediately!”

Let me give this diseased flow of verbiage a B16 shot: “Love is… a journey, an ongoing exodus out of the closed inward-looking self towards its liberation through self-giving, and thus towards authentic self-discovery and indeed the discovery of God: “Whoever seeks to gain his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will preserve it” (Lk 17:33) – Pope Benedict XVI, Deus Caritas Est, 6

I don’t know the situation of Gwyneth and Chris, but I know the situation in the modern world regarding love and marriage, and it stinks. The divorce rate is roughly 52%. Now more than ever is when we need an amazing witness to faithfulness, self-sacrifice, and self-giving love.

And let’s be extremely cautious of any philosophy that seeks to “uncouple” love from sacrifice. That’s like “uncoupling” Christ from the Cross. They are and always will be one.


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