Marriage: Why I Never Bad-Mouth My Knight


marriageLast month, my knight and I were blessed to celebrate 20 years of marriage.  Call me crazy, call me just a hopeless romantic, but I LOVE my husband!  Yes, I refer to him as my knight because he is just that amazing in the way he treats me: holding doors for me, getting the car door for me, making sure I have enough cash, gas in the vehicle, and little things in between.  He is the spitting image of his father, who was the perfect knight in his marriage of 61 years.

Through the years, I have met other women, friends and co-workers, who made it their hobby to complain about their husbands; some bitterly, I might add.  Listening to their list of complaints and character flaws, I would hear the anger and bitterness in their voices.  What was so weird was when I had the opportunity to meet these dreadful creatures called husbands, they rarely resembled the descriptions I was provided.  I’ll never forget one lady that I knew through selling Tupperware who threw a huge Christmas party for all her sales force at her home.  When I arrived, a son answered the door and took my coat, another led me to the group, and her husband made sure everyone had drinks, food, and were comfortable, all the while our host lead the meeting and celebration without a worry.  I was in a daze by what I saw and what she had described to me for months as worthless heaps that made her life nearly unbearable.

Always reading books and articles on family living and all things related, I came across an article talking about how one can talk themselves out of love.  Wow, does that make sense!  Just as you can self-talk yourself through a trying situation, you can self-talk yourself out of something, too.  Negativity breeds negativity just as easily as positivity breeds positivity…..same process.

From the get-go in a relationship, respect and mutual admiration should be at the center.  I know the difference between a good marriage and a bad one, believe me!  Being raised under the umbrella of a miserable marriage where my parents rarely spoke kindly of each other and arguments abounded quite frequently, I see now how much pain and tension it transmitted throughout the family.  I don’t know when it when downhill, but it did and after 26 years of marriage, my father had had enough.

Both my two brothers and I watched as the anger, bitterness, and disrespect ruined our parents.Today, both are in their early 80?s, alone, and fighting all the disabilities of aging without a spouse to weather these trials with.  Would they have changed things if they could see what was before them?  I don’t know, I don’t ask.

Basically, start at the very beginning, at the starting gate, be respectful and show admiration for your new spouse.  Recently, Steve Crowder, a young newlywed and FOX contributor began writing about his marriage. His thoughts are noble and very needed in this day in age of doom and gloom concerning marriage and traditional family life.  I share his article here.  He is saying exactly what I have been saying all along about marriage and spousal love and respect.


About Author

A Master Catechist, Catholic blogger, and freelance writer, you can find me in many places around the Catholic world. When I am not lecturing at the parish, I'm writing, working on a future book, and tending to teens in the house and welcoming my knight home from the coalmines each night. I am passionate about Jesus, our Triune God, the Holy Catholic Church and her teachings, and the faith lessons I am continuing to be graced with.

  • Noel Fitzpatrick

    Another great article. The good message
    is we should not bad mouth spouses. I
    would add that to include not bad mouthing parents, relatives and everyone.

    Even one should not bad mouth one’s leader, one’s president and leader
    of the free world. I am sure if you met
    him you would see that he is not worse than Hitler, Stalin and Mao combined.

    America is not the worst country in the world. Not everyone spends all their time killing babies, sodomizing and supporting Democrats.

    House starts are increasing, stock markets are rising and the weather is
    improving. Good times are coming.

  • Bob L

    I made a decision long ago (married 30 years this October!) to never put down my wife, no matter what the “guys” were complaining about. Since becoming a Knight of Columbus 5 years ago, that has only strengthened my resolve.

    Of course, we should not be gossiping about anyone, but we should be especially careful of our life mate. As you state, we can “talk ourselves” out of love…but we can also talk ourselves INTO it! So I try to listen only to love-affirming songs, I constantly try to do little things that I know will please my wife, and I especially never complain–or even show any disrespect or conflict–in front of my two grown sons. If there is a point of conflict, it is MY responsibility to correct it! Complaining about it to others may only exacerbate it.