Phrases scroll across my mind during these weeks following the peaceful but unexpected death of my 26 year old son Paul.
“I want my baby back!” I cried to God the first week or two, although he was no baby.
Another one that plays across my mind is: “Why did you take my sister just before you took my son?” Now I can’t talk to her about it, at least not in an earthly way.
As Paul said when he lost his vision – as he said when he was preparing his next speech – “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
The words, “For this I came into the world” frequently come to my mind. We brought our children into the world to give them to their loving God. We brought them up so they could be good, loving people on earth; and, so they could be happy in heaven, some day.
Yesterday I thought of the game of Chinese Checkers. One of my marbles is safely home. Yes, like a little child who doesn’t understand the game, a part of me wants my beautiful marble back in play. Yes, of course I cry at my loss, at my family’s loss.
But not for anything on earth would I deprive my son of the peace and joy that I believe are now his. Blessed be the name of the Lord.